why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
