things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
