listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
