you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
