I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
