did you get engaged???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
