He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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