U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
even my farts smell like vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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