Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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