I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
