why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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