He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
