the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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