I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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