We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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