Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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