Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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