soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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