The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
