So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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