mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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