i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
