so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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