Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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