Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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