I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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