I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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