Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
