So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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