Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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