I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
