i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
