every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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