I wanna bring you to show and tell
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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