I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
