the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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