life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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