hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
