and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
