The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
