Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
