tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
