I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
