I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
