This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
