Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
