I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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