Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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