that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
