apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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