you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Houston, we have a blender
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
