Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
