he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
