i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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