Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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