So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
