I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
