On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
