Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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