I think I am morally bankrupt
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
