"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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